34-year-old brother-in-law wants paid vacation after telling 30-year-old woman she's a "gold digger" because of her high-earning husband: 'He’s upset, and my in-laws are saying I’m making a big deal out of nothing'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 17, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

In this life, you reap what you sow, though you won't catch me out there in the fields planting any seeds or coming back with one of those things the Grim Reaper carries around months later just to cut it all down again. Still, if you go around saying things about people, don't be surprised when they won't give you the exact thing that you've been making fun of them for.

This woman shares how she and her husband have been married for five years. In that time, her brother-in-law has repeatedly cracked jokes about the income disparity between the pairing, referring to her frequently and often as a "gold digger."

Well, guess who came around asking for her and her husband to cover their share of the family trip? Lo and behold, the brother-in-law came around, querying if the pair could help cover their share of the trip.

Because of his previous jokes, the woman declined, putting her offside with her in-laws, who accused her of making a big deal of the situation. Thankfully, her husband stood by her side, but she took to this online community to see whether or not she was in the wrong for standing her ground. 

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    via Chen Mizrach

    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

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    AITA for refusing to help my brother-in-law pay for a vacation after he's repeatedly called me a gold digger? I (30F) have been married to my husband (32M) for five years. We both work hard and are pretty comfortable financially. My husband does earn more than I do, but we've always seen it as our money - we're a team and split responsibilities equally.
    via saffronloveee
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    The issue is my brother-in-law (34M). For years, he's made these "jokes" about me being a gold digger because my husband earns more. It's always in front of people, and while I usually just laugh it off to avoid making things awkward, it really bothers me. I've always worked, I contribute to our household, and it's frustrating to have that constantly dismissed like I'm just living off my husband.
    via saffronloveee
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    Recently, my BIL and his wife asked us to help cover their part of a family vacation because they can't afford to go on their own. My husband and I talked about it, and while we could help, I really don't feel comfortable after all the times he's disrespected me.
    via saffronloveee
  • 05
    When I said no, my BIL tried to laugh it off, saying I was overreacting and that it was all just "harmless jokes." I'm honestly over it. Now he's upset, and my in-laws are saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that "family helps family." My husband has my back, but I can't help second-guessing myself. Am I being too sensitive here? AITA for refusing to help because of how he has been treating me?
    via saffronloveee
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the I might be the because I have a better financial situation than him and decided to not help him, but the jokes he has been making justify my actions.
    via saffronloveee
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    poeadam 6h ago • • NTA It blows my mind how often people get called out on their BS and fail to properly apologize. BIL could very easily have said something like "I'm sorry - you are rightly calling me out on this item as I see how my asking for money after teasing you about being a gold digger comes off very badly. I thought I was joking, but it is clear now that my comments were hurtful and were not actually funny. I am sorry for that and won't make those comments in the future."
    via saffronloveee
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    Perhaps if he had done that you might have reconsidered. But instead he told you the jokes were harmless, likely said you were overreacting, and then got your in-laws involved. Poor choice.
    via saffronloveee
  • 09
    analyst19 6h ago • ⚫ NTA. I wouldn't give them a dime, much less for a non-essential vacation. Have a sit-down with your husband. He needs to be defending you when his brother denigrates you at family events.
    via saffronloveee
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    Mediocre-Farmer1326 6h ago • You can help him and destroy him with simillar jokes that he can't even pay for his wife
    via saffronloveee
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    Peony-Pony • 6h ago • NTA They asked the family "gold digger" (ha-ha, so funny) for money for a vacation. Not money because they were short on their rent or mortgage, needed to pay a utility or it would get shut off or food because they were broke until the next paycheck, they asked for money to go on vacation. Last time I checked, if you can not afford to go on vacation, you don't go. While I believe firmly people need a break from work for their own sanity and mental well being, it doesn't req
    via saffronloveee
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    When I said no, my BIL tried to laugh it off, saying I was overreacting and that it was all just "harmless jokes." I'm honestly over it. Now he's upset, and my in- laws are saying I'm making. a big deal out of nothing, and that "family helps family." Well then, perfect, Mommy and Daddy should feel free to pay for it themselves.
    via saffronloveee
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    LevelCurrent3791 6h ago • • NTA. Dude's an You owe him nothing in the first place, and if he wanted you to help and act like family now then he should have acted like family earlier and not made crappy jokes at your expense. You said your husband has your back in this, but did he ever tell BIL to cut it out with the jokes before? Because if he didn't, he's been a part of enabling this. Also, stop laughing it off and make it awkward, he deserves it. And finally, maybe tell BIL he should be less c
    via saffronloveee
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    EmceeSuzy · 6h ago • • You are NTA but this conflict doesn't make any sense. Whether your brother in law had been. or not, there is no reason an for you and your husband to lend him money. Even if the loan was for something essential and not a vacation, you have no reason to lend him money. But what is really strange here is that your husband's parents are involved in the issue but haven't made the loan themselves. What happened to 'family helps family'????? Do you really want to go on a vacatio
    via saffronloveee
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    Thedudeabides470 6h ago • • NTA. When someone who mocks you for being greedy needs your financial help that is precisely the time to deny it to them and let them know why. If they take it badly you know that every bad instinct you had about them was correct.
    via saffronloveee
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    Adventurous-travel1 6h ago • A vacation is a privilege and not a right. I would start calling him a freeloader for asking others to pay for his vacation.
    via saffronloveee
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    Physical_Dance_9606 • 6h ago If your in laws are so set on 'family helps family' then they can put their hand in their pocket and pay for it. NTA, you can't be a to someone for years and then expect them to do you favours
    via saffronloveee

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family drama aita brother sibling rivalry siblings family feud wedding in laws family healthy marriage marriage wife marriage-drama husband brother in law
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